Beyond the ceremony, there is a comfort to a grieving family in knowing that what they are doing is what that person would have wanted.
Families reach exactly that point with funeral plans through companies like Funerals With Grace, where a funeral conducted in line with expressed, personal wishes has a meaning that nothing can replace.
That comfort starts not during the funeral, but in a conversation that can take place at any time, in any place, long before it is required.
Why Expressed Wishes Change the Experience of Grief
Grief does not have a set of instructions, and the families experiencing it are unlikely to be best positioned to make complex decisions that must be made in a timely fashion.
If a person has made their wishes known in advance, they are already done. The role of the family changes from one of guess and decide to one of do what is right. That’s no small change.
It lifts a layer of anxiety which would otherwise lie under the grief and enables the mind to settle on the person being remembered.
What Expressing Your Wishes Actually Looks Like
It is not necessary to have a formal process or a written document to record funeral wishes, although these can be useful.
At its simplest, it is a face-to-face discussion with a trusted family member or close friend and making sure that the message you’ve conveyed is recorded somewhere.
What would be your ideal service? Where would you like it to be stored?
Are there any readings, music, or certain people that would be significant to you? Any answer to those questions is better than no answer whatsoever.
The Role of a Prepaid Funeral Plan
If you would like to do more than just have a conversation, a prepaid funeral plan is a more structured and financially secure way to plan.
It outlines the type of service, the components to be covered, and sometimes the costs to be paid, thereby setting the current pricing and capping future increases.
In addition to the cost savings, a prepaid plan provides a family with a clear plan to follow, rather than a blank slate to fill in.
There is a significant disparity between the experiences of making arrangements.
Personalisation as an Act of Remembrance
A funeral that reflects the individual’s personal wishes tells a true story, one that a generic one simply can’t.
The music selected, the atmosphere established, the words spoken — all of these will be more significant when they are based on real knowledge of the person, instead of convention.
When you articulate what’s important to you today, you’re providing them with the information they need to make a goodbye that’s truly and specifically yours. It’s no small feat to leave behind.
Removing the Fear of Getting It Wrong
One of the more silent fears that grieving families may have is that they are making the wrong decisions on behalf of someone else.
Did they make the right decision about the venue? Would the person have preferred something different?
If there are no specific wishes to refer to, there is no clear answer to those questions, and they may linger after the funeral has passed; but when preferences have been clearly expressed, that worry goes away.
How the Conversation Strengthens Family Bonds
Talking openly about death and about the kind of farewell you would want does not have to be the heavy or uncomfortable experience people anticipate.
Many families find it to be an unanticipated bonding moment, a time that brings them closer together and makes them feel more prepared and less afraid.
It creates a place to be honest about what’s important, about what a life has been like, and about the relationships that have influenced it.
It is not a burden to put on others, but rather a sign of trust and thoughtfulness.
The Difference Between Leaving a Wish and Leaving a Plan
The difference between expressing your preferred wishes and providing a documented plan that a family can confidently follow is significant.
General expressions of preference, such as “I would not want a fuss” or “something simple,” are open to interpretation.
Specific, recorded wishes narrow that room considerably and give families a clearer path to follow.
The clearer the image you leave, the more confident your family will be that they are honouring you correctly.
When to Begin
The “right” time to begin this conversation and make these preparations is never, and there’s no point in putting it off.
There is no reason to be sick, old or in any special situation to consider how you would like to be remembered.
You just have to know that it’s a generous act, an act that takes a little bit of your time now, and a lot of their trouble later. It’s a good trade, in my opinion.
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